he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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