im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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