You just made me feel so damn special
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
