someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
try to milk me bitch
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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