You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
