You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
