No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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