I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
