Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
