Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
how drunk are you?
Several
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
