Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
