i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
