Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
