she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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