Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
