Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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