I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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