I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
