): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
