I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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