Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize