my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
