just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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