youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Shame - the story of my life.
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