No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
