i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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