Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
