i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
