I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
