somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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