Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She even gives head with a lisp.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
