I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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