there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
