Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
