bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
