I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
