Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
