was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
