Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize