Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
