Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
