I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize