Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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