I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
