Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Randomize
