How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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