chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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