Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
