She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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