Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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