So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
