I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
