Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
