we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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