If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
