Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
