my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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