It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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