Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
