By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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