There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
