Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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