So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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