We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
