1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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