He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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