woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
