My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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