Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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